va ama eshgh...eshsh vazhei ast ke be zendegi rohe tazei mibakhshad!ama darke an kare doshvarist!har kasi dar in zado bom nemitavand ba in vazheye 3 harfi kenar biyayad...ajib nist?!chera?!cheraei vojod nadarad...har fardi tavanaeiye tajziye va tahlile in vagheye azim ra dar khod kashf nakhahad kard...bazi ha tasavor mikonand ba vorode eshgh be liste zendegiye roz mareshan,tamame moshkelateshan halo fasl mishavad!!tasavor mikoanand eshgho dost dashtan sadist dar moghabele tanesh ha!!biyaeid az yek didgahe digar be in masale bepardazim...be nazare man eshgh,na tanha mojebe delkhoshi nemigardad balke nakhoshi haei ra be donbal darad!!delkhori haei,nakhodagah padid miyayad ke ta be hal maze ash ra nacheshidei...albate!in ra ham begoyam ke man dar morede afradi sohbat mikonam ke ta be hal ghalbeshan ba hich kelidi baz nashode va daraye deli pako safand...dasteye badi ke mande nazaram ast afradi hastand ke ba kole bari az ghamo ghose,hamanande parandei dar ghafas,khod ra be daro divar mizanand ta zendegiyeshan degargon shavad!va tanha gozinei ke be zehneshan miresad,eshgh ast!!!goman mikonand ba vorode farde jadidi hame chiz be nafeshan taghir khahad kard!!ama moteasefane kasi nist ke be an ha begoyad:azizam!to bayad khodeto baz sazi koni!moshkele asli khode khodet hasti!ta vaghti ke khod ra nashnakhti va be jaye hale moshkelat az an ha farar mikoni va be donbale an hasti ta yek mojode 2 pa ba yek vizhegi va ehsase khas,kole barat ra sabok konad!ta betavani rahat tar nafasbekeshi!ta betavani be omide oroze garat ra separi koni!hich moshkeli hal nakhahad shod...eshgho dost dashtan niyazmande zamine hamvari hamchon delo ghalbe pak ke khali az har gone zeshtiyo palidist!!!!hal to tavagho dari bedone dashtane sharayete lazem natijeye matlobi begiri??!!eshtebah poshte eshtebah...ba in amalkarde ghalat ham zendegiye khodat ra tabah kardei,va ham rozegare farde moghabel ke ba khateri khosh,khod ra dar aghoshe to raha karde ast,nabod sakhtei!!bishtar tavajoh kon...2ensan!har do baraye khalasi az kheyli az masael che basa gonagon,khod ra dargire vazhei be name eshgh karde and!!!be nazare to,sarneveshteb in do chegone ragham khahad khord?!biyaeid didgaheman ,tarze fekreman ra nesbate be eshgh va dost dashtan taghir dahim ta betavanim bishtar az in haghighat zendegi bahre mand shavim...be omide an roz...parisan
Dar afkaram shenavar bodam kam kam dashtam daronash ghargh mishodam ke sare rahe khod nimkati chobi tavajoham ra be khodash jalb kard.engar sedayam mizad.engar mara baraye neshastan bar royash davat mikard.engar tanha bod va kheyli vaght bod ke deli sade chon man o ra az tanhaei dar nayavarde bod...khastam ke nazdik shavam va har doyeman ra az in tanhaeiye tarik nejat daham...do del bodam!!ba niroye ajib mara be soye khodash mikeshid.aghlam be man ekhtari dad ke jolo naravam...shayad an nimkat farsode bashad va beshkanad...aslan shayad damist!!ama del be darya zadam va be samtash ravane shodam,ba tardid neshastam{kash hich vaght nemineshastam}nale ash be seda dar amad.roye nimkat ehsase rahati mikardam.cheshmanam ra bastam va tekye dadam.sedaei mardane mara be khod avard.cheshmanam ra baz kardam.oo ke bod???tarsidam.che ghadr o bi seda amade bod!!khast kenaram benshinad.ba khod andishidam ke shayad in nimkat ast ke o ra chon man be samte khod jazb mikonad!!!bi ekhtiyar jaei barayash baz kardam.sarma lahze be lahze dar badane bi janam nofoz mikard.tanam az daron milarzid.mard,sokote beyneman ra shekast.ba sedaei aramo khaste goft:gharibe???!!!bedone an ke negahash konam saram ra tekan dadam.dobare goft:ahaei gharibe??ba toam!!!baz ham negahash nakardam va faghat sar tekan dadam.azam khast ke ta abad roye an nimkat beneshinam!!ba khod andishidam ke hatman o divane ast...!ba labkhande mana dare khod maskhare ash kardam.sedayash ra boland tar kardo goft:khahesh mikonam az in ja naro...man tanham...beman va ba mandanat be man komak kon.delam barayash sokht.saram ra bargardandam va baraye avalin bar be sorate por mehrash negah kardam.cheshmane pesarak por az eltemaso tamana bod...oo ke bod???!!!o ke mara nemishenasad!chera az man komak mikhahad??labanam bi an ke bekhaham baz shod va bi ekhtiyar be o goftam:aram bash ta abad dar in ja khaham mand,ghol midaham.labkhand chehre ash ra jazab tar kard.khoshhal bodam ke nakhaste be pesarak komak karde bodam va o aram tar shode bod.vali akhe...chetor ta abad roye an nimkat mineshastam???vay khodaye man!!!man be o ghol dade bodam...be khod amadam.dastanam ra darone dast haye garm va mardaneye o yaftam...tajob kardam!!!khastam dastanam ra az dastanash dar biyavaram.vali...gij bodam.dastanash mara aram mikard...dar an havaye garmo marmoz garman mikard...o ke bod???!!!roz ha gozashte and va ma hanoz roye nimkate pir neshasteim.fekr mikardam mandan dar an ja sakht bashad vali sakht nabod.dige adat karde bodam...be an mard...be sedayash...be dastanash ke dar havaye sard behtarin garm konande baraye dastanam bod.ba sedaye gereftei azam porsid:ahaei gharibeye ashena!!!dostam dari???engar ke vaghean divane bod.chera bayad dostash dashte basham???!!!in che soalist???behesh goftam:na!!!ama o goft:vali man to ra dost midaram...delam larzid.shayad manam...!!!akhe...o ke bod????mesle kodaki ke donbale arosakash migardad goei o niz gomshodei dasht ke be donbalash migasht.bi dalil gerye mikard.mesle kodaki shirin,jazab va dost dashtani bod.saei dar aram kardanash dashtam.miyane gerye hayash boride boride goft:dostat daram.har roz vabastegiam be o bishtar mishod.o ke bod???bavarash sakht bod ke roz haye ziyadi ra tavanestam roye nimkat,pishe an pesarakke har roz be man migoyad:dostat daram va man faghat negahash mikonam benshinam va separi konam...hal...pesarak khod ra dar dele man,dar dele sadeye man ja karde...agar lahzei ba sedaye zibaye mardane ash dar goshe man zem zeme nakonad,aram nemigiram.agar dastanash,dastane bi jane mara, ke sarma an ha ra milarzanad,navazesh nakonad garm nemishavam.jan migiram vaghti saram ra roye shane hayash migozaram va be ghese haye gongash gosh midaham.o ke bod???mesle har roz,sar roye shane ash gozashte va o zire gosham zem zeme mikonad...nemifahman che migoyad???halam lahze be lahze degar gon mishavad.khodaya!darad che etefaghi mioftad???chera ghalbam in gone dar sine mikobad???nemikhastam ke o sedaye ghalbam ra beshnavad.ama enghadr mohkam kobide mishod ke motmaenan o niz mishenid.saram ra az roye shane ash boland kardam va dracheshmane faribande ash cheshm dokhtam.montazer bod ta chizi begoyam.engar midanest ke harfi dar del daram.bi derang cheshmanam ra bastamva harfe del ra be o zadam.{ey kash nemizadam}ey ashena tarine ashena ha!!bishtar az to,to ra dost midaram...nagahan garmaye ajibi ra roye labanam ehsas kardam.garmaei ke jano tanam ra sozand...garmaei atashin ke yaghin daram ta omr daram az yad nakhaham bord...cheshmanam ra goshodam.ari!ba labane daghash bosei roye labanam gozashte va goei ke mara mast karde...nagahan dastam ra raha kard va az roye nimkat bar khast va be tarafe khanei bozorg raft.bedone an ke bargardad va mara negah konad varede khane shod.khodaye man...!!!an ja divane khane bod...!!!o ke bod???yanu vaghean o divane bod?!be khod amadam.man be o ghol dade bodam ke ta abad in ja bemanam...hal che konam???bi o ke nemitavanam!!!kash man niz ghole mandan ra az o migereftam...hal dar in tanhaeiye makhof che konam???nimkat nale ash be seda dar amad.goei ke harf haye man dele o ra larzande bod.va saniyei bish tol nakeshid ke dar ham shekast va mara be zamin kobid.zakhm haye amigh,tane khaste am ra poshand.bi jan tar az hamishe,na omide na omid az bazgashte an divane ke biyad va dastanam ra begirad va jani dobare be man bedahad,cheshmane bi forogham ra bastam...o ke bod???!!!ari,o divanei bod ke mara dar mehrabe eshgh ghorbani kard..... ۰۹۱۹۶۸۴۵۷۶۰